Dear Rex: I don't know what to do. In middle age, I have found the dearest male friend who says that he loves me deeply and wants me in his life for the rest of our lives but is not "in love" with me, and so there will be no further commitment in our relationship.
Does this mean that he has not quite grown up enough to know that loving deeply is more important to "being in love"?
Just sign me,
Fun and 50
Dear Fun and 50: Assuming your friend is roughly your age, he's 350 in dog years; it's definitely time he settled down. But some guys remain convinced they're still young pups until the day they die, and there's not much you can do to change their minds.
I'm guessing your friend is attempting to have his Snausages and eat them, too. In other words, he's dreaming of pursuing every cute collie who crosses his path while keeping you on reserve. You're no chew toy for him to enjoy when he's in the mood and then discard. Give him the boot, F&5 -- you deserve the complete package when it comes to love. Anyway, he'll likely come sniffing around again when he finds he's not as much in demand as he thinks he is. And when he does, you'll be in a position to call the shots.
* * *
Confidential to Bandit in Biloxi: Listen, pally, just because a bitch is in heat doesn't mean she has no standards. She's given you the lowdown on where you're falling short, so take her input to heart. Take a little pride in your appearance, and step it up on the personal hygiene front. Stop making yourself scarce when your owner's looking to give you a bath, for pete's sake, and stop scavaging through the neighbors' garbage. And chew on a dog biscuit every now and then; tartar buildup can really play havoc with your breath, believe me. There are plenty of fish in the sea, Bandit; you've got to give her a reason to choose you.
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