ASK REX: Rex is half-man, half-Siberian Rex
is half-man, half-Siberian Huskie. An unlicensed, practicing therapist,
he will answer your questions regarding love, relationships and career.
Email him at Sorry, no personal

Love Yourself and You Will Be Loved

Dear Rex: I don't know what to do. In middle age I have found the dearest male friend who says that he loves me deeply and wants me in his life for the rest of our lives but is not in love with me, and so there will be no further commitment in our relationship. Does this mean that he has not quite grown up enough to know that loving deeply is more important to being in love? -- Fun and 50.

Dear Fun and 50: One of Rex's Rexioms definitely applies to your situation, that being: In relationhips, one gets exactly what one is willing to settle for. If you'll settle for a fraction of a full relationship, that's exactly what you'll be handed. There's a terrior I know (let's call him Spot)...mixed breed, not the best looking mutt around but he's everything one could hope for in a canine companion. He's loyal, good with kids, willing to do the old "Oh, gee, I'm so excited that my owner's home, I'm going to run around in circles, barking as if this is the most thrilling moment in my life" routine. Well, one day Spot's owner started bringing home stale dry dog food. Seems some local emporium was knocking the stuff down to half-price as it neared its expiration date and this prize of an owner decided to save a few pennies at Spot's expense. I told Spot then what I'm telling you now: You get what you're willing to settle for. Spot decided to give the skinflint the canine cold shoulder: When the owner felt like playing a little fetch, Spot made himself scarce. When the owner arrived home after a long day at the office, Spot pretended not to notice. To top it off, Spot disappeared for a couple of days, hiding out at the home of a friend who had a huge doghouse plenty big enough for two. When Spot finally returned home, it was to a hero's welcome and a fine feast of gourmet canned dog food. I suspect that your aloof Lothario will react in similar fashion - suddenly growing quite fond of you - should you suddenly decide to make yourself scarce for a few days. Give it a shot.

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