HOROSCOPES BY CRISWELL

Aquarius-January 20 to February 19:
I'll be frank: You have been insufferable of late. Your friends - and I mean every last one of them - have had it with your whining.

Pisces-February 20 to March 20:
The key to bliss in this life is discovering one's gift and pursuing it. When you've done this, the money will come. You, Pisces, have a special knack for defrosting refrigerators and if you'll only indulge this talent, you'll have riches beyound your wildest imagination.

Aries-March 21 to April 20:
You've a deeply entrenched negativity that you must fight. But it'd be a mistake to aim too high. Your new mantra shouldn't be "I can." That's just asking for disappointment. Why not start with something more modest? How about "Maybe, if everything falls just right and I get really lucky, I can."

Taurus-April 21 to May 19:
No more fried clams for you for the rest of 1998. That's painful to hear, I know, but heed my warning: Ingest one more fried clam before May of 1999 and it will be your last.

Gemini-May 20 to June 20:
We each have a center of energy, from which our very essence reveals itself to others. Your situation is a bit unusual in that your center of energy is located in your uvula. Endeavor therefore to open your mouth as wide as you can whenever possible, particularly during job interviews and on first dates.

Cancer-June 21 to July 21:
Like most of us, you've got money concerns. Unlike most, though, you've got a huge windfall coming, and soon. You're going to be loaded. So, go nuts. Fly to Vegas and play for huge stakes. Even if you lose it all, it won't matter. You're going to be rich.

Leo-July 22 to August 21:
Like most of us, you've got money concerns. Unlike most, though, you've got a huge windfall coming, and soon. You're going to be loaded. So, go nuts. Fly to Vegas and play for huge stakes. Even if you lose it all, it won't matter. You're going to be rich.

Virgo-August 22 to September 22:
Ever try one of those Bit'O'Honey bars? Man, they're tasty; you should try one.

Libra-September 23 to October 22:
Is anything sadder than a missed chance for contentment? I think not, but it's not too late for you, Libra. Today - before it's too late - quit your job and begin your new life as a juggler.

Scorpio-October 23 to November 21:
For reasons far too complex for me to go into here, it's key that you not utter your own name for the next six weeks. This is a matter of life and death. If required to introduce yourself, just say your name is Timmy.

Sagittarius-November 22 to December 21:
Most of us have a dream destination, a place we've always wanted to visit. While I usually encourage my readers to pursue their dreams, I think you can do a little better than Muncie, Indiana. Don't you?

Capricorn-December 22 to January 19:
You've been living under a dark cloud, haven't you? You're devoid of inspiration, lacking a certain spark. We've all been there but this has gone on longer than you'd have expected. I can solve your malaise with two little words: Tater Tots. And plenty of ´em.

Email Criswell at: criswell@brettnews.com..


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