Dear Dr. Billings: I really love sushi and I know that fish is really good for you. But my mom keeps telling me horror stories of parasites, brain worms and such. I don't wanna give it up, though. Is sushi safe? - Miranda in Manhattan
Dear Miranda: Great. It's not enough that you kids today drive Japanese cars, listen to Japanese stereos and watch Japanese televisions. Now, you're adopting their diet. Listen, you little punk, plenty of men went through hell fighting the Japs in W.W.II. Now, as it happens, I wasn't sent over. I had a student deferment and a little problem with vertigo. But nonetheless, I haven't given them one thin dime of my hard-earned money in fifty years and you shouldn't either. What, a good old-fashioned American hamburger isn't good enough for you?
Dear Dr. Billings: Lately I've begun to suspect I was born without a spleen. How can I be sure, short of painful abdominal surgery? - Spleenless in Spokane
Dear Spleenless: Oh, you've got a spleen, don't you worry about that. But I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts you're more than a few cells short in the brain department. Good God, woman, there are sick people out there; leave me be!
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