Dear Dr. Billings: I am a 23-year-old woman with a problem. I have a recurring wart on my thumb. I've had it removed twice and each time it grew back. This is really bothersome to me, I'm at my wit's end. Can you recommend any alternative treatments? -- Hopeful in Hanover.

Dear Hopeful: I am a 62-year-old physician with a problem of my own. I have a severe pain in my butt, namely whiny brats like you who think their tiny little cosmetic ills amount to a medical crisis. There are sick people out there, you know? Can I recommend an alternative approach to your earth-shattering dilemma? Yeah, try getting down on your knees and thanking the good Lord above that you've got two good thumbs.

Dear Dr. Billings: I am a thirty-five year old man in overall good physical condition. The problem is that, at 5'10", my doctor says I'm grossly overweight at 280 lbs. I think he's overreacting so I've decided to contact you for a second opinion. -- Big-boned in Baltimore

Dear Big-boned: You want a second opinion? Okay, you're ugly, too! Ha ha ha! Just a little medical humor there, BB. I love that one.

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